• malavikameh

Family and Toothpaste.

Updated: 5 days ago

Song to Song has the sneaky little line by Fassbender which goes "do you like kids" and Natalie Portman replies "It wouldn't be a great job if I didn't like kids, would it". Fassbender has blue-green eyes, he reminds me of a holy Satan.

I remember how you brought the baby home, her hands were bruised and chalked. She looked as if she would pass out quite soon. She hadn't eaten anything for days, her tummy looked like a shrunken air balloon, her hands resembled an Instagram model's hand drawn demonstrations; using rows of shades of colours on her own hands to tell us 'look, pay attention and choose, whatever is close to skin never lies'. I was extremely fond of her, since you brought her home, I am sure you found her adorable as well.


Detesting the ways in which natural born evolutionary families preserve their lineages and hereditary; I have encountered that the bigger, the varied, the ephemeral, the temporary and the changing the family is, it is all the more better. I love such short, sequential displays of camaraderie. I love good friends, other humans, and large and changing families. Life should always be full of love and colour and people. That's the motto, say hurrah!.


Adoption is a tricky thing, you said. You had to go hunt for her parents; in this case, it became mandatory as she was apparently a bruised child. You told me that none of the paper works were wrong. I am angry, I was angry, I wanted to keep her. I wanted to look after her. I wanted to tell her stories after stories. I wanted her no more to be sad. You insist again that I wouldn't have the child for me, so it would be better for me to not get attached to her too much. You said, your intentions were simply and only to keep her for a night. Is a kid a night lamp, or a condom in the night stand? To keep it for a day?

I shared the kid with everyone around me, by that I mean, I thought the kid became each of ours. She was a darling. I loved her small streaks of black hair. I cut her hair with fringes, I made her skin soft, with lotions and balms and baby bath bombs. I kept her clean all the time. I made sure that she had the best things she might have needed. You insisted that this will last only for a couple of weeks, there is no such a thing as even adopting this child, you reminded me again and again.

I connected to the child pretty quick, all the more because she was bruised.


Nature is a wonderful thing, a master at fooling us, sometimes even better than God. If you doubt this proposition, try talking to a tree, it starts to look as if all of nature looks like a cloned hog, a typically manufactured hybrid in the kingdom of the universe to fit in other typically manufactured hybrids of the kingdom of animals and plants. Nature is mysterious, nature I believe will and always exist. Sometimes nature exists like the machine. Whoever thinks that the machine is a product of the mind, has got it all wrong. It is a feeble idea and a fickle thinking; not whole, that has been celebrated in this century for some people to have fun in their lives, and to go on with their daily chores. Do not listen to it, please. Listen to me, I am here.

The second nature that excites me is somehow the capitalist nature. I mean capitalist hyphen nature and not the nature of capitalism. It makes me aware and it makes me believe that walking through the woods is quite like doing a supermarket frenzy; you walk around (I love the supermarkets, gives me so much joy in life); you move through the floor; you slide and glide from one end to the other; you pick random stuff that you need for the day- and things are all good. Navigating an unclear and intricate route, with racks and baskets and glass cases filled of things that promise me to satisfy my hunger. Woods, quite like the supermarkets, are full of promises (met with money of course, but all promises are met with the costs of it. Please note - it isn't the price but the cost, of taking it or not taking it, of interrogating a moment right before we make our decisions)

What was my point, right, it was about a family, and what it means. I do not know what it means, but I have seen kids thrive in places, in environment where they feel genuinely happy, as they laugh through their eyes, we learn to laugh a bit through our eyes as well. The most singular and the most particular structure of a family, according to me, helps us to expand, helps our lives to grow; adoption is always a single part of it. But as usual it all comes with the perks of a danger, the threats of being broken, in other words, being shattered. As we think about it, we start to realise the intricacies of it. Life is an enlightening experience. Sometimes my life is like a toothpaste, I just don't even remember what had happened.

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